Are you safe? 

No wait let me ask it another way…

Do you feel safe?

I’ll tell you why I’m asking in a minute. 

I haven’t made it a secret that I’m in recovery for a plethora of issues and I’m very proud to report that I’m healing – NOT HEALED, I’m healing. 

BUT…

There’s levels to this healing shit. 

Safety is the first level of healing, apparently there’s tons of credible research out there that also agrees with this. 

This is where I am right now… 

I have removed people, places and things that are not conducive to my well-being, I’ve even removed myself literally when applicable to any situation that can compromise my welfare. 

It’s not enough though… see now I’m entering this other level where I’m expected to mourn and grieve.

To say I’m tiptoeing around that would be an understatement and if you’re a gamer like me, you know it’s all about getting to the next level in anything to do with this thing called life (Prince RIP 😩).

I need to grieve about past traumas and what substance abuse did to me (I used to think it did things for me – now that’s growth). 

I need to mourn, dig deep and have a good cry over the losses and pain I’ve experienced but I’m not quite there yet…

There’s also another level – reconnection with healthy people, places and things which I’ve slowly started doing but the expected lament phase to be mournful keeps holding me back. 

I’m scared… as safe as I am physically right now I don’t know if I’m ready to test that theory mentally… 

However, I have no choice. 

I must CONTINUE because that’s the only obstacle holding me back from truly being me. 

I know it’s going to be rough to face and revisit some things head on but part of me is looking forward to it. 

See once I let myself go and truly grieve for it all, I know I’ll be more ready to accept what this world has in store for me whether it’s good or bad. 

I want a life FULL of joy, I want to be able to thrive under any circumstance, I need to give/accept love more freely and more importantly I want to continue to feel safe even if it’s just in my own skin. 

That’s why I’m asking everyone “Are you safe?” because no matter what happens in your life you can cope safely if you are. 

I’m learning and using safety coping skills, I know it sounds a little lame 😒 but I opened my eyes and left my bed this morning so that’s a start in the right direction. 

Not only have I established safety when it was needed now I can focus on maintaining it so I can reach that level of reconnection I desire to be.

The journey there might be rough, I’m choosing to look forward to the destination.